"It was in jail that I met Rathna thero ... ashamed about everything" -- letter from Shramantha Jude

"It was in jail that I met Rathna thero ... ashamed about everything" -- letter from Shramantha Jude

Royal Park murderer who has received presidential pardon about which much talk is circulating has forwarded an elaborate sympathetic letter tendering his apologies for what he is responsible saying that the procedure of getting released from prison is not something that happened at random but the result of a long-term summarised process. The Sinhala translation of that letter published saying that it is an explanation of matters on
behalf of the public which appears below:

"I write this letter to everyone who say that it is an injustice by those who were hurt through recent news of I being released from jail. 

This is my story. Since my parents were divorced ... I am a product of a broken house. While I am someone who was brought up amidst loneliness, hurt, insecurity and did not understand what family attachment is. When I was 16 years old I turned into a young man who had not much of control as how to behave myself in society and with a depressed life. 

Today I am 34 years old. I spent the best period of youth in prison. I was confined to a room of 6 x 8 feet and I enjoyed sunlight only for 30 minutes a day. While it was the darkest period in my life it was an unlucky place where I was locked for over 12 hours every day where a bucket was kept as a toilet. I was sleeping on the floor and the pillow was my table. If there was a hell on earth, it was over a period of 14 years past that I experienced it. I am now finished; but I am in a known or unknown world. What I see is your anger and hate towards me. Not that it is not suitable to me who committed a murder. Please understand that I am not the only 19 year old person who was imprisoned. I have no adequate words to express my grief to what happened to the Johnson family. I like if you would realise that I had no idea of harming anybody. I have no words to dismiss pain. What rotated in my mind was this; I suffered every single day during the past 14 years. The point of sadness is that there was nothing left to say or do. 

If you had known me in my childhood you would always be kind to me. I am ashamed at what happened. This has brought immense pain to you all and everybody in my family. Throughout this 15 years what everybody experienced was sorrow, loss and sadness only. I have tried many a time to connect with you and express what is in my heart. But I never was successful. I have no alternative for Yvonne. 

Even if you do not believe me now ... I constantly try to become fresh continuously. To society -- I understand the anger you feel. But please believe what I am today and what I am trying to with my life. Since I am a changed man I beg your pardon. Other than thinking by looking at me of all what I can change ... understand that I have nothing else to do. For this, it took me several years. 

About 5 years before this, particularly when I was downcast, I came across Rathana thero. At a moment when he was present to impart instructions in meditation to prisoners, he spoke to me and I feel that it was an instance when someone paid kind attention to me after a long period of time. He stood on behalf of me as the person who instilled a desire for me to pin faith on life once again. It was this thero who motivated me for educational activities again. I then began to follow studies in distant education from university of London-- the London school of economics. Please understand that I had no access to a computer, a research system, a table, a chair or lighting system. I would sit on my toilet-bucket and make use of my pillow as the table. I did this to prove to others that I have become a changed man. Thus, while behind bars underwent a degree course in business from open university. Any prisoner in Sri Lanka can do this. 

As I have portrayed my freedom, I should state that it was not a haphazard decision of the president. It was a process that originated 3 years before and was something that began as a continuous summary and approval, coming down in order. 

Stated below is a rough note of the process:

2005 - I was imprisoned

2013 - A death penalty of the arbitrary board comprising retired                judges, police, prison commissioner, psychologists, crime                  specialists, attorney general's department and ministry of                education commenced a synopsis of all prisoners.

2016 - After a detailed interview, of 600, 250 prisoners are spending          their time undergoing the death penalty. Reports were published          that we were suitable to be introduced to society.

From 2016 onwards - A project of releasing civil activists, Buddhist              priests, other religious members of the clergy, professionals,            young rehabilitated and educated prisoners was launched.

2018 to 2019 - When reports of judges, report of prison department,         attorney general summary report and recommendation report of           ministry of justice and other documents were forwarded, a               summary was presented by president's legal arbitrary board             quoting a justified file of documents.

2019 - I was given the presidential pardon based on the above                 recommendations, constitutional procedure and assessment.